Both the wonderful and the challenging aspect of being a coach is in the exploration of what it takes for human beings to thrive. So much ‘information’ and so little time.

In my recent deeper dive into ‘Flow’, where I get very narrow on the topic, I began digging into the history behind flow which can be considered a ‘transcendent experience’ sitting alongside terms such as peak experience, religious experience, mystical union, satori, cosmic consciousness and mystical experience.

In my research on how flow connects to wellbeing and flourishing I came upon the work of Abraham Maslow who most of you will have heard of in reference to ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’, which is usually represented as a pyramid, with physiological and safety needs at the bottom and ‘self-actualization’ at the peak.

Well, it so happens that Maslow did not actually come up with the pyramid schema! This was the work of management consultants translating his work in a manner that they considered could best be taught in the corporate world.

And now, the brilliant Scott Barry Kaufman has completed updated the model, building on the late work and unpublished writings of Maslow, to create a new metaphor:

THE SAILBOAT

I saw this and thought – wow! I often use the metaphor of setting sail in my group coaching and resilience webinars, so it immediately resonated.

Kaufman elaborates the metaphor as part of the much-recommended book Transcend where Maslow’s model for understanding the human condition is comprised of a boat where:

• The body of the boat is comprised of the inter-related needs of Safety, Connection and Self-esteem. These are our needs for SECURITY.
• The sails are comprised of our needs for Exploration, Love and Purpose. These are our needs for GROWTH.

Without the sail, we are mere surviving. But to live ‘the good life’ we need to open to setting course in direction with no specific destination, on a voyage of discovery, riding the stormy seas and winds of life, risking being vulnerable and exposure. We must be willing to open our sails, to take risks, to venture into the unknown, in our quest for growth, as part of our higher purpose in life.

This, Kaufman argues is fundamental to the paradox that is ‘transcending’, where we experience unity and harmony with oneself and the world.

Or as he calls it:

Being Fully Human.

There is so much to unpack and explore through this metaphor and I will be writing about it again soon.

How could showing appreciation to yourself and those in your world help you?

The dictionary definition is:

To understand the worth or importance of (something or someone)
To admire and value (something or someone)

To show appreciation is an expression of gratitude and is a form of acknowledgement.

Of late I have found myself showing appreciation for the people in my life, whilst also being appreciated myself by others.

I have been deeply appreciative of a wonderful new community orientated around a powerful new book (The Ultimate Coach, the biography of the coach’s coach Steve Hardison), where I have made some fantastic new friendships and connections.

I have been appreciated by my friends and loved ones for the support and assistance I have given them of late.

And I have shown appreciation to myself for my hard work and dedication to my profession of coaching, the people I work with and the community I support.

Showing appreciation is a powerful act.

It’s a form of social glue and fundamental to our wellbeing. It reminds us we are part of communities; that we are neither alone and cannot flourish in isolation. Appreciation is also a way of recognising and showing understanding of something about an act, a behaviour or an endeavour by someone outside of ourselves. It’s a form of empathy.

I invite you to consider the virtue of showing greater appreciation:

To those in your world

To yourself

To show appreciation is relational, it is an expression of love. It demonstrates generosity of spirit.

The lens when cast on oneself is rarely as generous compared to when it is cast upon our family, friends. Thus appreciation can also be a powerful act of self-love, in place of the well-meaning but tireless and joyless work of the inner critic. Yes, directed inwards this can help us gain a truer perspective on ourselves, lifting us out of the perpetual funk of demonising and critiquing ourselves. Appreciation is self-approval.

Someone I have only just met once did just this, they showed the courage to request some love, asking for our impressions of them, their strengths and their assets as a person. What I shared via a WhatsApp voice message was that I appreciated this person’s honesty, authenticity, kindness, courage and curiosity (as I perceived them in my experience of their being). In turn they showed great appreciation and gratitude for what the group had gifted them.

Such demonstration of appreciation can actually reflect our own values and what is either deeply important to us or that which we are missing or looking for ourselves right now.

Yes, when we are at the bottom of the rollercoaster, our innate resilience may well bring us back up soon enough, but appreciation, either shown or received can stop us falling further down or remaining stuck. One change in thought can give us that vertical jump into a higher level of awareness. Appreciation reminds of our inner strength, whilst strengthening our bond with others.

So, my invitation to you is:

Who can you show some unexpected appreciation for or towards in your constellation either by simply think about this person or via a short message or note TODAY?

As you look back at how you’ve started the year, what can you show appreciation for in your own endeavours and ways of being (without inserting qualification or buts)?

How do you start your day? Have you done your best to create the space and time in lockdown for exercise, meditation, journaling, etc.? It can be easy to fall into the trap of approaching our wellbeing as a doing, when the real leverage is in the state of being that our wellbeing practices generate. A practice that I use every day to sow new mind seeds and I share with my clients as part of a deeper enquiry into drawing out our individual strengths and assets (aka our gold) is to briefly journal on the following questions:

How do I want to create myself today?
How do I want to be?
What qualities do I want to bring into my world today?

Now, this is not positive thinking, it is not affirmations. This is a decision; this is a conscious choice.

Why do this practice?

Consciously stepping into a state of being offers an antidote to the swirl of negativity thinking that can cascade through our minds. It can be a powerful tool for stepping out of a reactive / victim mindset to that of a more empowered proactive and creator mindset. It can take us out of the automatic pilot / zombie like Groundhog Day state of mind.

“Every cell in your body is eavesdropping on your thoughts.”
Deepak Chopra

This can also be a major step into a radical ownership of our lives, stepping into our Sovereign power, authors of our own lives, masters over our own kingdoms.

PROVOCATIVE COACHING QUESTION #1
My own coach always challenges me when we are reflecting on a situation with the provocative question: How did you create this? Well, I might not like where this question takes us, but it always generates insights and a humbling new perspective.

YOUR DAILY DECREE – THE PRACTICE:

• Set aside 10 minutes just like you would for a morning meditation
• Write down 5 to 8 words that describe how you want to be in the world.
• Turn these words into a few sentences that capture the essence of who and how you intend to be.
• Be specific about how you want to ‘show up’ in a particular situation or event that is coming up.
• Once you have your sentences, recite them, maybe in your head at first, and then out loud.
• Breath in every word, deeply embody what it feels like to be every aspect of your daily degree.
• Find time at the end of day to reflect on how your actual state of being (and behaviours) aligned to your intentions.
• Develop the decree that you recite every day, allowing it to evolve and mature over time, or experiment with different versions.

What questions do you wish were included in the Census? I’ve just completed it online and it got me thinking about what I would love to ask everyone.

Here’s my list, not far off the kind of questions I explore with my clients…

• What is most important to you in life, what are your top three values?
• How aligned is your lifestyle and behaviours / actions to these values?
• What do you fear most in life (excluding death)? How can use that fear as a portal for initiating change?
• What’s your biggest regret? What might you regret not doing later in life?
• If you could travel back in time and alter any aspect of your personal history, what would you change and why?
• Who would you love to have an open and honest conversation with (dead or alive) and what would you like to say to or ask this person?
• What has the last 12 months taught you? How can you use that lesson going forward?
• What advice would you give the younger you? What advice would you give the older you?
• What do you want in life? What else?
• Complete this sentence. Happiness is…

If you ever find yourself stuck, or facing a situation that feels insurmountable or out of your control, here is an invitation:

Ask yourself a better set of questions

Powerful questions invite us to go inside, where we can explore what we really want and why we want it. And when we see that we have a lot more going for us than we realise, we open up a world of untapped potential and possibility – to tap into our unique gifts, take control of our life and to take action without fear of failure.

Life is a contact sport. We are going to take our knocks, but what matters is how we respond to them. When we get really clear on what we want and who we are, it’s like giving ourselves a superpower.

Here are some of the powerful questions I invite all my coaching clients to explore. My invitation to you is to set aside 30 minutes to write (by hand) what comes up for you. Then take some time for yourself, go out into nature and feel into what has arisen. You might be surprised by what shows up.